Why Having Kids Is Awesome!

Having children is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Being a parent is exciting, fun and interesting but also knackering, hard work and never ending. There are many brilliant reasons to have children and here are a few reasons why I think having kids is awesome!

The Toys

Kids have a lot of toys. Noisy toys, soft toys, pull along toys….I have really enjoyed buying toys for my girls but I’ve also used it as a bit of an excuse.

When I was a child, I had a Big Yellow Teapot (remember them?) I loved playing with it and it’s a real throwback to my childhood. When the children came along it was the perfect excuse to get hold of another Big Yellow Teapot. Purely for The Toddler to play with of course.

I also collected Puppy in My Pocket. I did really well. I had most of them by the end and I kept them in an old Flumps box. Then I stupidly gave them away to my neighbours kids when I was 18. I came across one at a boot fair the other day and I fondly remembered my collection. A quick visit to Ebay pissed me right off as it turns out they are now considered “vintage” and are actually worth something (and I gave them away!!!) I’ve started collecting them again. Of course, just for The Toddler. She loves them (!)

It’s not just me either. I found a train set on Facebook the other day which I thought the girls would enjoy. When I showed my husband, his face lit up and he spent the rest of the evening setting up the most elaborate train track you’ve ever seen. He didn’t even notice when The Toddler wandered off to play with something else.

Yep, the toys are a great reason to have kids. You get to rediscover all the things you played with as a kid plus you can buy those toys that you wanted but didn’t get as a child (for example, I asked Father Christmas for Mr. Frosty but he didn’t know what it was. Turns out that’s good as I’ve since discovered they are crap!)

Getting To Be A Kid Again

One of the sad things about growing up is it’s no longer socially acceptable to jump in puddles, kick through leaves or walk along walls. Until you have kids. Then it’s actively encouraged (well, as long as the kids are with you). I’ve had a great time being able to jump in puddles with The Toddler and whizz down slides at the park (though my butt has got a bit bigger. On more than one occasion I’ve felt bruised getting off the slide). Just remember that it’s brilliant fun to be a kid again but sadly you’ve got bigger. I made a fort with The Toddler the other day (see “fort” as ta
ble with blanket over it). I excitedly got in but getting out required army crawling, stretching and a very ungla
mourous butt wriggling reverse.

You Have The Perfect Excuse

Your boring workmate has invited you to his latest “bring a fact” party and you can’t think of a polite way to decline. Ah hah! You have kids now. They are the perfect excuse. From suffering from various coughs and colds to being let down last minute by childcare, you have the ultimate “get out of jail” free card. Just remember that if you use the excuse that you had to stay home because the kids are sick, don’t then post photos on Facebook about your fun trip to the zoo that day!

The Magic and Wonder

Children are really gullible. You could poetically say they are innocent and trusting and they believe in magic but no, let’s call a spade a spade, they are flipping gullible! They will believe ANYTHING! This is great fun as you can literally tell them anything and they will believe you. Oh, the possibilities…..

Free Sweeties!

I took the Toddler trick or treating this Halloween. She’s only 2 but she soon realised all she had to do was knock on the door and say “twick or teat” and she was given sweeties. Unfortunately, quite a few of them were unsuitable for her as she’s just too young. As any responsible parent should do, I went through her bag and “got rid of” all the sweets she couldn’t have. I put them to one side in a box with the idea of disposing of them later (read that as scoffing the lot). Annoyingly my husband found the box and “got rid of them” for me. Thanks, hubby!

Rediscovering your favourite books

I have many books I remember from my childhood that I am desperate to share with my girls. I made sure I bought a brand new copy of Hairy McClarey from Donaldsons Dairy. I loved that book as a child. (On the down side I have now read it so many times that I realised I’m actually reciting it from memory but it’s still a great book!)

Christmas

I love Christmas but it is made extra special when you are experiencing it through the eyes of your children. The Toddler is already getting excited over all the “pretty lights” that are popping up in shop windows. I’m desperate to put up our tree but I will hold off until December. At her age she doesn’t even know about the present part, she’s just getting excited over the decorations! She is going to love it this year. I can’t wait!

What do you think is the best thing about having kids?

Stupid Expressions

I was chatting to a friend at work the other day. They were telling me all about their weekend and how they had been out to a nightclub and got “totally rat arsed”. It made me feel very old but not that envious, to be honest. I was never a club raver even when I was younger and going out purely to get so drunk you won’t remember it in the morning seems like a complete waste of time to me. As I said, maybe I’m just old?

Anyway, my workmate finished her story by telling me “then I went straight to bed and slept like a baby.” I looked at her and just thought, “what a stupid expression!”

Unless my workmate was telling me she woke up five times, screamed her head off, shit her pants and got it all over the sheets, the expression “sleeping like a baby” is all wrong. In fact, I’m convinced the only people out there who say they “slept like a baby” don’t actually have one.

Another expression I really don’t understand is “taking candy from a baby”. This is meant to imply that something is easy! Have you ever tried to take ANYTHING from a baby they don’t want you to take? Aside from the fact the little devils have superhuman grip, the result of taking it is normally loud screaming, crying and flailing around. I would never use this expression to describe ANYTHING as easy.

One last expression that drives me potty is: “there is no use crying over spilt milk”. I guess I can kind of see the point here but if that milk has been painstaking squeezed from your breasts by something resembling a milking/torture device and it has taken you half an hour to get two fucking ounces you can bet I’m going to bloody cry over it!

Are there any stupid expressions you don’t really understand?

Parenting Superpowers!

I’m not really a big fan of superhero movies but even I can enjoy the moment the hero of the piece gets his powers (normally through a “freak accident”. Seems like “freak accidents” are actually ridiculously common in the superhero world). One minute they are mild mannered Peter Parker and the next, boom! Superheroes. I don’t really undestand why along with all the cool powers comes the unexplainable need to pick yourself a wanky name and then go and get some lycra but maybe I just don’t get it.

Anyway, I remember the moment I became a superhero. The second my eldest arrived in the world I became a Mum and with that I was given a huge dose of Mum guilt, a lot of anxiety and the sudden ability to sleep while standing over a Moses Basket. However, I was also given my powers. I firmly believe all Mums are superheroes and we all have superpowers. Just remember, along with great power comes great responsibility. Here is a list of superpowers all Mums are given:

Super smell – All Mums have the ability to smell that a nappy needs changing in a room full of other babies. Even more impressive, they can tell which child it is from scent alone!

Super hearing – Mums can hear the slightest movement from their babies from three rooms away while lying next to a snoring husband. They are especially sensitive to the sound of silence (oh yes, silence has a sound!) and can tell if it’s “I’m just quietly colouring” silence or “I’m spreading Sudocrem on the cat” silence.

Healing Kisses – The amazing ability to heal even the scariest boo boos with a single kiss. For really bad ouchies like splinters, two kisses and a cuddle may be required.

Omnilingualism – This is the power to instantly speak and understand any language fluently and okay, maybe Mums don’t have this entirely but they can definitely understand Toddler babble when no one else can.

I was changing The Baby earlier while my husband put The Toddler to bed in the other room. I heard The Toddler say “Daddy, me kissy an shugs an tuck tuck Baze!” I heard his confusion so called through “she wants a kiss and a hug and for you to tuck her in. Then she wants you to do the same for her soft toy kitty, Blaze.” It was perfectly clear to me.

Superhuman Strength – The ability to carry The Baby in the carseat, The Toddler on your shoulders, the changing bag and six bags of shopping up three flights of stairs in a single trip.

Precognition – Mums can see The Toddler falling off the toybox seconds before it happens or can tell that sticking a piece of lego up your nose is a bad idea before you even do it.

Super speed – The alarm doesn’t go off but Mum somehow manages to get everyone out the door and to nursery on time AND she remembers the lunches.

I say Mummy Superpowers but Dad’s seem to be given most of these as well. Okay, Mr. Adultier Adult super hearing doesn’t seem quite as sharp (suspiciously?) and his Omnilingualism is out of whack but he has one of the best superpowers of all… The Dreaded Daddy Voice! He can freeze any of the kids and the cat without even raising his voice! He just drops it down low and instant obedience! Dad’s are definitely superheroes too.

What is your superpower? If you could have any superpower in the world what would it be and why?