Unless you’ve been walking around with your eyes closed recently you should know by now that it is nearly Halloween. I love Halloween. Despite it being an American holiday (though actually it’s origins are Irish). I love the tacky decorations, the cute kiddie costumes and the fact there’s lots of sweets in the house. Here is my list of why all Mum’s should love Halloween:
1) The spider webs in the house now count as Halloween decorations.
Fallen behind on the housework? It doesn’t matter. The spider webs and dust add a certain authenticity to the holiday (though annoyingly this excuse doesn’t wash when it comes to the laundry).
2) You can legitimately call your kids monsters without feeling like a bad parent.
Occasionally kids play up. The Toddler has a meltdown because you dared cut her sandwiches into squares instead of triangles and the Baby has been teething forever. You secretly whisper “for fucks sake” everytime before answering to your name but you can’t say anything bad about your kids without all the judgy mcjudgy Mums glaring at you. Well, this time of year you can call them monsters and not only will no one judge you they will likely even agree!
Sweets in the house and FREE sweets being given out everywhere! Even better than that, it’s your duty as a responsible parent to go through all the Halloween bounty to make sure it’s safe. In some cases you may have to eat it to make sure you give it a thorough test. Parenthood is such a sacrifice sometimes…
4) You can finally scare the shit out of that little brat up the street.
We have a five year old up the street. We’ll call her Elouise. She’s the one who always shoves my Toddler in the park but then apologises so sweetly that you smile and say “that’s okay” while having mental images of chucking her in the pond. I’ve seen her kick the neighbourhood cats on more than one occasion plus she’s one of those obnoxious kids that tells other children that Santa isn’t real. I am so looking forward to Elouise coming to my door to Trick or Treat this year. I’m going to jump out on her while dressed as a skeleton and chase her down the street with a hatchet. Her scream is so going to make it worthwhile.
Obviously I’m not really going to do that but Elouise will definitely be getting the Funsize Mars Bar instead of the regular ones.
5) You can get the kids excited about eating apples.
Apple bobbing is a great tradition. It’s so much fun to watch the kids getting soaked trying to grab an apple in their mouths. They put so much effort into it and are so proud when they finally succeed that you have to hide a smile when they realise the prize is the apple.
6) You get to watch Hocus Pocus again.
I love this movie. Who doesn’t? However, I’m very aware it’s a kids film and adults are meant to be beyond watching childrens movies. However, how can it be avoided when it’s on so much over Halloween? Who cares if both girls are napping? You may as well watch it. Y’know, as it’s on.
7) Easy Halloween costumes.
I love the fact this holiday doesn’t have to cost you anything. One roll of toilet paper makes a decent Mummy costume. An old sheet with a couple of holes in it makes a pretty convincing ghost. That top the toddler stained with tomato sauce? Bam, zombie costume!
8) You can relive your childhood by bopping along to The Monster Mash and your kids are totally impressed that you know all the words.
Unfortunately this only works up to the age of about 10. Then your kids will be embarrassed by your knowledge of Boris and The Cryptkeepers but at that age the eye rolling comes with the territory anyway so carry on doing the Mash!
9) You get to watch your neighbours husband be dragged through the neighbourhood dressed as Peter Pan with a severely pissed off expression on his face.
He’s being pulled along by his young girls dressed as Wendy and Tinkerbell who are clearly loving it. Just as clearly Mr. Jones is not.
10) And you get to plan to do the same thing to YOUR husband next year when the kids are old enough to trick or treat. Mr. Jones got off lightly. I’m gonna make Mr. Adultier Adult be Tinkerbell!
Bwa ha ha haaaa.
Happy Halloween everyone!