Why Having Kids Is Awesome!

Having children is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Being a parent is exciting, fun and interesting but also knackering, hard work and never ending. There are many brilliant reasons to have children and here are a few reasons why I think having kids is awesome!

The Toys

Kids have a lot of toys. Noisy toys, soft toys, pull along toys….I have really enjoyed buying toys for my girls but I’ve also used it as a bit of an excuse.

When I was a child, I had a Big Yellow Teapot (remember them?) I loved playing with it and it’s a real throwback to my childhood. When the children came along it was the perfect excuse to get hold of another Big Yellow Teapot. Purely for The Toddler to play with of course.

I also collected Puppy in My Pocket. I did really well. I had most of them by the end and I kept them in an old Flumps box. Then I stupidly gave them away to my neighbours kids when I was 18. I came across one at a boot fair the other day and I fondly remembered my collection. A quick visit to Ebay pissed me right off as it turns out they are now considered “vintage” and are actually worth something (and I gave them away!!!) I’ve started collecting them again. Of course, just for The Toddler. She loves them (!)

It’s not just me either. I found a train set on Facebook the other day which I thought the girls would enjoy. When I showed my husband, his face lit up and he spent the rest of the evening setting up the most elaborate train track you’ve ever seen. He didn’t even notice when The Toddler wandered off to play with something else.

Yep, the toys are a great reason to have kids. You get to rediscover all the things you played with as a kid plus you can buy those toys that you wanted but didn’t get as a child (for example, I asked Father Christmas for Mr. Frosty but he didn’t know what it was. Turns out that’s good as I’ve since discovered they are crap!)

Getting To Be A Kid Again

One of the sad things about growing up is it’s no longer socially acceptable to jump in puddles, kick through leaves or walk along walls. Until you have kids. Then it’s actively encouraged (well, as long as the kids are with you). I’ve had a great time being able to jump in puddles with The Toddler and whizz down slides at the park (though my butt has got a bit bigger. On more than one occasion I’ve felt bruised getting off the slide). Just remember that it’s brilliant fun to be a kid again but sadly you’ve got bigger. I made a fort with The Toddler the other day (see “fort” as ta
ble with blanket over it). I excitedly got in but getting out required army crawling, stretching and a very ungla
mourous butt wriggling reverse.

You Have The Perfect Excuse

Your boring workmate has invited you to his latest “bring a fact” party and you can’t think of a polite way to decline. Ah hah! You have kids now. They are the perfect excuse. From suffering from various coughs and colds to being let down last minute by childcare, you have the ultimate “get out of jail” free card. Just remember that if you use the excuse that you had to stay home because the kids are sick, don’t then post photos on Facebook about your fun trip to the zoo that day!

The Magic and Wonder

Children are really gullible. You could poetically say they are innocent and trusting and they believe in magic but no, let’s call a spade a spade, they are flipping gullible! They will believe ANYTHING! This is great fun as you can literally tell them anything and they will believe you. Oh, the possibilities…..

Free Sweeties!

I took the Toddler trick or treating this Halloween. She’s only 2 but she soon realised all she had to do was knock on the door and say “twick or teat” and she was given sweeties. Unfortunately, quite a few of them were unsuitable for her as she’s just too young. As any responsible parent should do, I went through her bag and “got rid of” all the sweets she couldn’t have. I put them to one side in a box with the idea of disposing of them later (read that as scoffing the lot). Annoyingly my husband found the box and “got rid of them” for me. Thanks, hubby!

Rediscovering your favourite books

I have many books I remember from my childhood that I am desperate to share with my girls. I made sure I bought a brand new copy of Hairy McClarey from Donaldsons Dairy. I loved that book as a child. (On the down side I have now read it so many times that I realised I’m actually reciting it from memory but it’s still a great book!)

Christmas

I love Christmas but it is made extra special when you are experiencing it through the eyes of your children. The Toddler is already getting excited over all the “pretty lights” that are popping up in shop windows. I’m desperate to put up our tree but I will hold off until December. At her age she doesn’t even know about the present part, she’s just getting excited over the decorations! She is going to love it this year. I can’t wait!

What do you think is the best thing about having kids?

Stupid Expressions

I was chatting to a friend at work the other day. They were telling me all about their weekend and how they had been out to a nightclub and got “totally rat arsed”. It made me feel very old but not that envious, to be honest. I was never a club raver even when I was younger and going out purely to get so drunk you won’t remember it in the morning seems like a complete waste of time to me. As I said, maybe I’m just old?

Anyway, my workmate finished her story by telling me “then I went straight to bed and slept like a baby.” I looked at her and just thought, “what a stupid expression!”

Unless my workmate was telling me she woke up five times, screamed her head off, shit her pants and got it all over the sheets, the expression “sleeping like a baby” is all wrong. In fact, I’m convinced the only people out there who say they “slept like a baby” don’t actually have one.

Another expression I really don’t understand is “taking candy from a baby”. This is meant to imply that something is easy! Have you ever tried to take ANYTHING from a baby they don’t want you to take? Aside from the fact the little devils have superhuman grip, the result of taking it is normally loud screaming, crying and flailing around. I would never use this expression to describe ANYTHING as easy.

One last expression that drives me potty is: “there is no use crying over spilt milk”. I guess I can kind of see the point here but if that milk has been painstaking squeezed from your breasts by something resembling a milking/torture device and it has taken you half an hour to get two fucking ounces you can bet I’m going to bloody cry over it!

Are there any stupid expressions you don’t really understand?

10 Reasons All Mum’s Should Love Halloween

Unless you’ve been walking around with your eyes closed recently you should know by now that it is nearly Halloween. I love Halloween. Despite it being an American holiday (though actually it’s origins are Irish). I love the tacky decorations, the cute kiddie costumes and the fact there’s lots of sweets in the house. Here is my list of why all Mum’s should love Halloween:

1) The spider webs in the house now count as Halloween decorations.

Fallen behind on the housework? It doesn’t matter. The spider webs and dust add a certain authenticity to the holiday (though annoyingly this excuse doesn’t wash when it comes to the laundry).

2) You can legitimately call your kids monsters without feeling like a bad parent.

Occasionally kids play up. The Toddler has a meltdown because you dared cut her sandwiches into squares instead of triangles and the Baby has been teething forever. You secretly whisper “for fucks sake” everytime before answering to your name but you can’t say anything bad about your kids without all the judgy mcjudgy Mums glaring at you. Well, this time of year you can call them monsters and not only will no one judge you they will likely even agree!

3) Sweeties!

Sweets in the house and FREE sweets being given out everywhere! Even better than that, it’s your duty as a responsible parent to go through all the Halloween bounty to make sure it’s safe. In some cases you may have to eat it to make sure you give it a thorough test. Parenthood is such a sacrifice sometimes…

4) You can finally scare the shit out of that little brat up the street.

We have a five year old up the street. We’ll call her Elouise. She’s the one who always shoves my Toddler in the park but then apologises so sweetly that you smile and say “that’s okay” while having mental images of chucking her in the pond. I’ve seen her kick the neighbourhood cats on more than one occasion plus she’s one of those obnoxious kids that tells other children that Santa isn’t real. I am so looking forward to Elouise coming to my door to Trick or Treat this year. I’m going to jump out on her while dressed as a skeleton and chase her down the street with a hatchet. Her scream is so going to make it worthwhile.

Obviously I’m not really going to do that but Elouise will definitely be getting the Funsize Mars Bar instead of the regular ones.

5) You can get the kids excited about eating apples.

Apple bobbing is a great tradition. It’s so much fun to watch the kids getting soaked trying to grab an apple in their mouths. They put so much effort into it and are so proud when they finally succeed that you have to hide a smile when they realise the prize is the apple.

6) You get to watch Hocus Pocus again.

I love this movie. Who doesn’t? However, I’m very aware it’s a kids film and adults are meant to be beyond watching childrens movies. However, how can it be avoided when it’s on so much over Halloween? Who cares if both girls are napping? You may as well watch it. Y’know, as it’s on.

7) Easy Halloween costumes.

I love the fact this holiday doesn’t have to cost you anything. One roll of toilet paper makes a decent Mummy costume. An old sheet with a couple of holes in it makes a pretty convincing ghost. That top the toddler stained with tomato sauce? Bam, zombie costume!

8) You can relive your childhood by bopping along to The Monster Mash and your kids are totally impressed that you know all the words.

Unfortunately this only works up to the age of about 10. Then your kids will be embarrassed by your knowledge of Boris and The Cryptkeepers but at that age the eye rolling comes with the territory anyway so carry on doing the Mash!

9) You get to watch your neighbours husband be dragged through the neighbourhood dressed as Peter Pan with a severely pissed off expression on his face.
He’s being pulled along by his young girls dressed as Wendy and Tinkerbell who are clearly loving it. Just as clearly Mr. Jones is not.

10) And you get to plan to do the same thing to YOUR husband next year when the kids are old enough to trick or treat. Mr. Jones got off lightly. I’m gonna make Mr. Adultier Adult be Tinkerbell!

Bwa ha ha haaaa.

Happy Halloween everyone!